This week has been complete and utter hell. I’ve had two panic attacks that have left me hyperventilating on the floor in the living room and in the shower of the apartment I’m (inadequately) renting from a woman that reached out to me on Facebook.
I’ve had cycling shifts in perception and direction and every day brings something a) radically uncomfortable b) exhausting c) uplifting d) motivating e) terrifying f) heartbreaking. Add a dash of newly re-emerged social anxiety in there and you’ve got the exact cocktail that is my life in it’s current state. I’m fucking miserable.
What’s going on, you ask? Growth. It’s not even things that are so out of the ordinary. It’s my thoughts. Where I let myself go, where I hold myself back.
I’ve taken respite in music. It’s an energetic solace from all the shit I’m processing. When I hear good music, (usually with a bit of soul) I just dance. It’s joyful, happy. It feels even transcendent occasionally, depending on what I’m thinking about. Other times it’s technically interesting…like Aphex Twin’s track T69 Collapse. (Aptly named – sorry.) It’s glitchy but with just enough melody to near austerity without ever fully reaching it, which enhances appreciation for every auditory component. The sounds that ought to be grating are not. They’re actually just really tightly packed and maybe a bit steely.
So. With that intro, here’s what I’ve been listening to when I want to enjoy my headspace.
Lapalux – 4EVA (feat.Talvi)
If this isn’t one of the sexiest tracks I’ve ever heard in my life… I’m literally turned on just listening to it. Holy shit. And there are many many more from this artist, some of which honestly I’m not even ready to listen to they’re so hot. You can read about it here because I can’t concentrate enough to tell you more, lol.
Aphex Twin – T69 Collapse
Aphex Twin, Richard David James, is a British musician originally born in Ireland. He’s regarded as one of the most acclaimed musicians in the electronic music genre. His style incorporates acid techno, ambient, electronic, experimental and EDM sounds. He started releasing records in the early 1990s and co-founded a record label in 1991. His most recent album, Syro, was released in 2014 and garnered him a Grammy for Best Dance/Electronic Album.
Skee Mask – Rev8617
I tried to look up ‘Rev8617’ and got nothing. ‘8617’ on it’s own though, brought me to the Hebrew definition of it, which is ‘tecumah’, which means to stand strong, and is a feminine noun. To me, it suits the sound of this track. There’s a solid base line over which lay velvety, minimal synths that rise and fall. Skee Mask describes his dj sets as techno, ambient, and mostly experimental.
Just for a Second (Mixed) – Kettenkarussell
Kettenkarussell consist of German duo Leafar Legov and Herr Koreander. Their beats are steady, the melodies minimal, but the music still creates depth and ethereality through ambience. The group made their debut in 2009 with EP I Believe You and Make Me Love Forever, which was the first release on the label they were signed to, Giegling.
Lorenzo Senni – XAllegroX (DJ Stingray’s Molto Allegro Mix)
I love this track. It’s fast, uncompromising, pulsing. Lorezno Sinni is an Italian hard trance producer signed to Warp records.