There is exactly one time when it is appropriate to have sex with someone who is highly intoxicated, and that it is only if they consent to it while they are sober. However, they can still always say no if they are intoxicated and change their mind.
You might be wondering who is planning intoxicated sex, and to that I say: long-term partners, that’s who.
It’s what my husband and I do when we want to “mix it up” in the bedroom. And with Valentine’s Day coming up, we’re undoubtedly going to want to do something “special”, something like anal. And I won’t go into the specifics, but amateurs and veterans alike know that anal requires some preparation.
For me, weed is part of that preparation. I’m am both figuratively and physically a tight ass. I am constantly tense. It’s so bad that part of my mental health self-care routine is loosening the tension around my hips and butt.
As you might be aware, sex and tension do not mix. Not only can it lead to actual physical injury, but it also makes the sex less enjoyable for at least 1-person involved in the situation.
HINT: It’s usually the tense person.
Which is why I like to get high before I have sex. Not always, but on certain occasions: yes. I already mentioned Valentine’s Day, but birthdays and anniversaries are usually the perfect occasions too! Getting high before I have sex does a few things to improve the encounter, too.
Feeling less tense means that I feel less self-conscious. I am a fat person, and despite feeling okay about myself 95% of the time, there’s still 5% to be accounted for; and usually, those times are during sex. It doesn’t matter that I’ve been with the same partner for 11-years, I’m human! Consenting to sex while I’m sober, with the intention of smoking right before we get started, removes my “give a f***” meter. I relax and I have a good time! I’m not worried about what I think about my body, my only concern is being in the moment with a man who truly loves me for who I am right now.
Getting high before sex can also drastically reduce your pain senses. Not everyone experiences pain while having penetrative sex; however, people with endometriosis can experience pain during both vaginal and anal penetrative sex, depending on where their endometriosis lesions grow. If you’re not familiar with endometriosis, it is a chronic disease that occurs in about 1 in 10 people of reproductive age who also have a uterus (source, SpeakEndo.com). Endometriosis occurs when the endometrial lining (the stuff that is only supposed to grow inside the uterus and shed once a month) grows outside of the uterus. Every case is different, but endometrial lesions can grow on the outside of the bowels, ovaries, stomach, and other organs. In addition to experiencing cramps before, during, and after their menstrual cycle, people with endometriosis commonly experience pain during intercourse. Weed can help with that. Not only does it help with inflammation, but it can also reduce muscle cramps and/or spasms.
But weed doesn’t just help minimize pain, it can simultaneously increase pleasure during intercourse or masturbation as well! The right strain will heighten your senses and can even make your “bits” feel tingly. Not in the scary “I think this cinnamon lube is burning” me kind of way, either! I mean, a nice tingle. A really, really nice tingle.
Just remember, if you’re engaging in sexual activity with someone else who is intoxicated — and/or if you plan to be intoxicated during the sexual encounter — make sure the intoxicated person gives their consent before they get high. This isn’t just for long-term partners, either. You can have a one night stand with someone and still get consent before you have sex while you and/or they are high. Honestly, getting everyone’s consent is a great practice to have regardless of who is or is not getting high beforehand. And if someone changes their mind after things have already gotten started: stop. If you’re not sure, check-in with your partner. Ask how they are doing; ask if they are enjoying themselves. It’s super simple.
Otherwise, try to relax and have a good time!