Game of Thrones has become a ritual to so many of us. For most of the show’s Sunday nights, I would roll a joint and settle in for some gruesome death, always hoping for one more explanation, one more moment of vindication. In honor of everyone’s favorite fantastical, violent, sexualized, high-budget television extravaganza ending, here are my favorite Game of Thrones dudes (at least, of whose left heading into Season 8) as strains of cannabis.
Jon Snow would be… White Fire OG. The hybrid, also called WiFi, is a sativa dominant, uplifting, yet comforting strain. It’s covered in a snowy layer of crystals, giving it a wintry appearance. It’s great for anxiety, and is a good choice for being with others, or being productive. Jon has shown to have such heart, while not letting anything prevent him from taking care of business. White Fire can make you feel relatable to most anyone, not dissimilar for Jon’s ability to evoke admiration in everyone he meets.
Bran Stark would be… Shapeshifter. Like the emotionless, omniscient 3-Eyed Raven, Shapeshifter can take you many places, but always under a layer of a calm, dreamlike state. While Bran cannot walk, he can fly! Being a Warg and all (dragon-warging, please)! This strain keeps many locked to the couch, but has sativa genes that can prompt thoughtful introspection if the sedation doesn’t overwhelm the smoker. It’s a popular strain for deep meditation and intense relaxation. It’s a great smoke for calming an anxious mind, something Bran has clearly mastered. At least, Shapeshifter will certainly have you acting a whole lot like him… sitting in one spot, tranced out, waiting silently to look smug for the guy who pushed you out of a window.
Tyrion Lannister would be… Jilly Bean. For the quick witted, frequent comedic relief of the realm, this strain uplifts and energizes the mind, putting a smile on many smokers’ faces. While Tyrion hasn’t even had a full blown sex scene, shockingly, he’s known for loving sex and being a talented lover. Jilly Bean gets frequently cited for improving sexual experiences, so feels appropriate to match to Tyrion. Like the ever creative problem solver, this hybrid will stimulate the mind and get you giggling. Tyrion may be in a dark place, the dead on one side and his sister on the other, but at least someone can still crack a joke occasionally.
The Night King would be… Sensi Star. The powerful, full-body affecting indica, is famous for coming fast and strong. It can knock the user off its ass, but has a cerebral quality that can fog over experienced smokers. Men especially report feeling extremely aroused and ready to pounce. I wouldn’t say the Night King is an especially sexual character, but he definitely exudes the cool, collected confidence that Sensi Star can provide. And then, if pushed a little too far, will absolutely put you to sleep. Before maybe raising you as a zombie soldier.